Friday, October 25, 2019

Being Gay is Okay

Image result for lgbt prideCan you imagine being in a tight space, so tight and uncomfortable you can’t be yourself? Not much room for creativity but just enough space for safety. That’s about 7% of the anxiety people who are “in the closet” feel. “In the closet” means to conceal apart of one's sexual orientation and identity. Sometimes people are in the closet because they need safety or want to keep all of their rights while other times people are in the closet because they just aren't ready. Ellen Degeneres made a bold move almost 22 years ago that among other things paved a way for the LGBT community. 
Coming out is the scariest thing people can do; inviting people into the real you. Sometimes it’s easy to come out to people while other times its scary and can be disappointing. I came out this April and it was the most liberating and depressing thing I’ve ever tackled. I had no support from my immediate family. No one wanted to sit down with me and talk about how felt about my sexuality. I only had my counselor and girlfriend to talk to about how I felt. 
Image result for pride meme My mother is a Guyanese, Seventh-day Adventist who strongly believes in God and Christian-like heterosexual lifestyles. I was outed when I was about 15 or so. I was dating a girl from my school and some of my fake cousins told my Godmother that they saw me kissing a girl in the park; this was true. My Godmother called my mother and shared the news with her. I was right there when she got a phone call and I watched the joy leave her body and the disappointment enter her eyes. I was under the impression that someone might have died. She hung up and told me that she got word that I was kissing a girl in the park. I told her the truth, thinking this would be a Hallmark Movie and she would embrace and affirm me. Wrong. I was shamed and talked down to. I let the torture ride out for a week before I told my mom that I was heterosexual again and only like boys. 
 I hated having to lie to my mom and myself like that but it was for my protection and safety. At that age, I didn’t know there were programs such as Queerattitude.com to support and guide young teens who identified on the spectrum. Gay support can help someone dealing with issues anywhere along a continuum - from the point where they are questioning their sexuality through dealing with the challenges of possibly coming out at work or struggling with gay relationship issues. Support groups for LGBT people often do this through peer support (HealthyPlace.com). Queerattitude.com was an online community for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) youth from around the world.
 Fast forward 4 years later, still struggling with my sexuality I meet a woman worth coming out for, Shayla. I fell in love with all of her and began to embrace myself for a same-gender-loving woman. I knew eventually I would like Shayla to meet my family, but I knew it wouldn't end well because how things went the first time around; mom was heartbroken and siblings didn’t take it seriously. However, our love grew stronger and I became more confident in myself and our relationship, so I came out. My mom was devastated; she thought she conquered this the first time around but yet here we are again. This time, I meant it and wasn’t taking it back. I wasn’t going to be shoved back into that dark closet because my family wasn’t ready for the reveal; I was ready. And for once, through all the heartbreak and hurt I felt independent. I wasn’t affirmed home so I created one at my school. I was affirmed at church so I found a new one that would love the side of me that my home church wouldn't.
 If I would have done anything differently as my younger self I would have researched more. Like GLSEN, Gay, Lesbian, Straight education is a program for all students that provide a safe environment for learning. GLSEN was founded by a group of teachers in 1990, we knew that educators play key roles in creating affirming learning environments for LGBTQ youth. GLSEN works to ensure that LGBTQ students can learn and grow in a school environment free from bullying and harassment. Together we can transform our nation's schools into a safe and affirming environment all youth deserve. I would’ve also tried to get into a support group for affirmation and support. I would've looked up some celebrities who are gay and how they came out. Like Ellen Degeneres who came out through national television. She first came out through her tv character and then came out for herself. She received a lot of backlash from the media but she stayed true to herself. Ellen has gotten more support and is thriving even more than before. 
 Being gay is okay and it needs to be talked about more. Being different isn’t bad and its time families stop turning their backs on their children because they don’t fit in the standards that we’ve set for them. Coming out is scary without knowing if you’ll have support but its even more petrifying when you have no support. The LGTBQ community needs support but also needs to be better informed about the resources. I would like to pair up with the Hudson Pride Center and put together a workshop to further inform the community about the support they have access to. 



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